Sweet Release
by anatomyaddict
Summary: Post 7x01 one shot of how Meredith tells Derek what he's needed to know since the Season six finale!  One-shot. Please enjoy! Rated T for some strong Language.


**I wrote this one-shot before the second episode of this season (after episode 7x01 With You I'm Born Again). This was a way for Meredith to tell Derek about the miscarriage that I envisioned before seeing how it actually happened in episode 7x02. I apologize for this being so out of place now that this has actually been resolved, however for me to sit down and finish a story idea in my head before the next episode is an impossible feat with a full college load! I hope you enjoy this. I enjoyed writing it, as this is the first fic idea that I have finished in a few years. Hopefully my absences will be shorter from now on.**

**Thanks and Enjoy!**

"_Your Driving awfully fast Dr. Shepherd, the least you could do is wear a seatbelt…"_

Derek wasn't Derek. She wasn't stupid; she knew the shooting changed everyone.

There's no way trauma like that couldn't change outlook on life. However, this reaction is not what she had expected.

She'd expected depression or anger, like in the past. Hell, she'd even expected entirely too much drinking for his own good. She'd even expected just a little bit for him to act acting the same, normal.

Anything but the reaction she was now dealing with.

Impulsive. Thought-less. Carefree. Not qualities you look for in a neurosurgeon… or in a husband.

But right now, it was the hand of cards she had been dealt.

She didn't want to admit it, but she was slightly terrified of him right now. He didn't make her feel safe. Everything was about him, and what he could do with his second chance.

He could operate on inoperable tumors. He could drive his car 130 miles an hour and not think of the wife who would be coming to pick him up from jail later. He could quit his job without consulting said wife (or clearing her for surgery first!) He could decide they were ready to have a baby.

A baby.

Could she even begin to think of having a baby when all she could focus on was the pain of her miscarriage? The feeling of warm blood trickling down her sides as she operated. Not even finding a moment in between the shooting, surgery and caring for her husband to mourn for her child.

He needed to know. She knew that. But after waiting this long to explain such an intimate subject, was it too late?

Meredith sat in bed, rereading a diary she had recently found from her wild rebel teenage days. She couldn't believe between the drinking and sex that she'd found time to write about it.

She flipped to a page in the journal about her first ever pregnancy scare… from high school. She thought back to that day, how pissed she was to have to spend 13 dollars on a pregnancy test. And what Bobby Richardson would say when she would have to ask him to pitch in for the abortion. Thank God it had only been a scare. The test came back negative.

But as she thought back to that day, she wanted to murder her teenage self for the though of an abortion. What Meredith wouldn't give to have this baby back inside of her. Why didn't that crazy teenager understand that?

But then she remembered. Teenage Meredith wasn't in love. She was in lust with any and everybody she saw with her beer goggles on. Teenage Meredith had no idea that there was a Derek in her future.

And even when he was acting completely insane like now, he was still the knight in shining whatever that she never knew was coming. He was still the man who professed his love for her day and night. And he was still the man who convinced her that her life could be normal. That she, Meredith Grey could be happy and married… and pregnant. And now, Derek was speeding and acting impulsive, and all she wanted was to have the man back that she trusted. The one who could save her from the pain she had been hiding for the past two months.

Lost in though Meredith heard the shuffling outside. Being home alone without Derek was like growing a second set of ears. She was so nervous without him that she could hear every little sound in the old house.

With this in mind, she quietly snuck downstairs, expecting to see a squirrel at the front porch making such a racket. Instead, she came face to face with her disheveled husband with fire in his eyes.

Derek looked straight at Meredith and she though that he looked as if he was trying to compose himself before entering the door. Meredith stood and watched as he silently came through the door and sat on the couch.

She went to turn towards the kitchen, anywhere but near her husband.

"Oh Honey," Derek called as she turned from him.

She stopped dead in her tracks and turned around to look at him.

"You left me in jail? YOU LEFT ME IN JAIL?" Derek screamed. "I had to call Alex-fucking-Karev to come pick me up since my wife wouldn't answer my ONE phone call from jail! What the hell, Meredith?"

"I warned you Derek. You didn't believe me. I told you I'd leave you this time." Meredith whispered as a single tear fell from her cheek. She knew he was still Derek in there; she just wanted this surface layer of anger to dissipate.

"Whatever, Meredith. You know I'm fine. I'm always fine. I'm a fucking good driver, Mer. You don't have to be mad at me, I know what I'm doing."

Meredith lost all composure "You idiot! Why would you do this to yourself? To me? No one is safe driving 130 miles an hour. NO ONE. Not even you. Look, I know you think your invincible, surviving death and all, but I can't take this anymore.

"What if I had been in that car? What if our baby had been in that car?"

She stopped speaking as the last word fell off of her lips. And suddenly, she didn't care about his retort anymore. She just wanted him to know how much she wanted to hate him in this very moment.

And so, all 100 pounds of her body attempted to beat up Derek Shepherd. She took her fists and pounded as hard as she could into his shoulders. Knowing it wasn't doing a thing she slowly stopped as she began to sob into his chest.

Derek simply rubbed her back as she cried. He didn't speak a word. She was silently thanking him for not pushing for detail on her momentary break down.

Once she composed herself, she hugged on to Derek for a few seconds more and without speaking she let go of him and ran upstairs.

Obviously, Derek assumed that Meredith's hugging and holding on to him was a sign of the beginning of her forgiveness.

Obviously, he was wrong.

Meredith wanted nothing more than to cry the night in Derek's arms as he held her in bed. However, the anger and hormones mixed with her tears forced her to emerge from the staircase with a pillow from their bed and a fleece blanket.

Derek was sitting on the couch. Meredith put the blanket and pillow beside him, kissed him on his stubbly cheek and slowly walked upstairs. She didn't look back as she closed the door to her room, half-heartedly wishing and wondering if Derek would be following her, budging her for an explanation as to her behavior.

46 minutes and 37 seconds has passed since Meredith left Derek on the couch. And for the last 46 minutes as she had not been able to sleep, she though of the right words to say, when the phrase, "I lost our baby" would have to be said. She was sick of over analyzing and thinking too much. He had to know now. A minute longer was a minute wasted in their recovery.

Meredith tiptoed downstairs looking towards the couch to find Derek, turning side to side in a very light sleep, if not completely awake. He heard footsteps and moved his face closer to the noise's origin. Meredith stood in front of the couch as Derek sat up staring at Meredith. He was waiting for her first move.

Meredith reached her hand out to Derek and he took it immediately. He followed her upstairs, his mind clear from all thoughts as it seemed that his wife was acting as if she hated him a little less now.

He continued to follow her up the stairs and sat up on his side of the bed as she crawled around to her side. He wasn't at all sure what to expect here. Make up sex? More silence?

Meredith didn't cry often, and when she did, it was usually over the most recent idiotic thing he had done, so Derek wondered what he could have possibly done now when Meredith leaned over and put her head on Derek's shoulder and continued to cry.

Meredith finally began to settle down and as her husband looked at her, bewildered, she opened her mouth to speak, and all that came out was "I love you."

Not her original plan, but true words, nonetheless.

"Derek, the morning before you got shot. The morning of the worst day of our lives. Well, you see that morning…" Meredith continued to stumble over her words so she stopped for a second and took a deep breath.

"I was pregnant. We were going to have a baby. And now we're not. And I only knew for a few hours before you were shot. And I miss our baby. A lot."

Surprisingly, she didn't start to cry again. She looked up at Derek, completely unsure what his reaction would be.

Derek looked down at her and looked deep into her eyes. She could see the red and glassy look of tears forming over his eyes. He put both hands on her cheeks and brought his lips to her. He was quick to thrust his tongue into her mouth, and she knew he needed her kiss, to be reminded that he still had her fully, even with his stupidity. He leaned his forehead on hers and whispered in her ear.

"I will never speed again, baby."

And she knew he wasn't lying.

**Thanks for reading! I really didn't like the abrupt ending... feeling that meredith should say something about how they will make good parents. But it just didn't fit. The story ended itself! Hope you enjoyed please review!**


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